I decided to write a little New Years post, and since this time of year is usually about changes we want to occur in our lives, I thought I would start in this very moment. Instead of sitting inside at my computer desk to write up this post, I gathered up a blanket, pillow, James laptop and my phone in case it rings, outside to enjoy the scenery and breeze while I do. It took just a few extra minutes out of my day, and has already made all the difference in the way my body feels. These are the simple kind of changes I look forward to emplimenting in my daily life this next year. Little things I can change about my routine as I work at home, to make my days more fulfilling. I think this is a good start!
2011 was another one of those years I would call the best and the worst years. So many amazing things happened this year. The biggest of those being buying our very own home and having both of our handmade business be a success. Starting my new Roots and Feathers line, and then becoming a featured seller on etsy, was amazing! This also planted many seeds in my heart of knowing Im on the right path, and fully allowing myself to continue following my dreams. We have also deepened a few friendships in our lives this year, and reconnected with some old friends. And we recovered our pup Violet from heartworms, and she is strong and healthy!
The hardest part of this past year has been losing my dad to suicide. It is something I think I will have to feel and work on every day of my life. It has sparked an emotional and spiritual revolution inside my heart, just like when I lost my mom, but in a different way this time. It has also amplified missing my mom so much. Its left me with so much more fear of the world then I had before, which is going to take lots of time and healing to work my way through. But it has also opened my heart more and more to the idea of bringing a new life into our home. It has again made me realize how tender and short this life really can be. It has also changed James heart in so many ways. The death of my parents has given me so much insight into life itself, and to everyone who knew and loved them. They will forever be missed and yearned for, for the rest of our lives.
*this photo of my parents was taken by a friend when they went to Italy together*
I can only imagine what 2012 is going to bring into our lives. I could really go without any kind of loss. My hopes for the new year are lots of healing in my heart, more activity in my body, more spiritual connections, the growth of a new garden, continued success in our businesses, new friendships and maybe a little bebe growing in my belly at some point in the year :) These are my biggest wishes.
I know I cant change which way the wind blows, or who comes in or out of my life, or a million other things, but Im excited about the things I can change. Which reminds me of the serenity prayer my mom used to always tell me... God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. This is one of the simplest yet most profound prayers. Its the only prayer my mom ever told me, and she learned it from AA. I love it.
One more thing Im going to accept before going into this new year, is patience and time. I know so many of us put these crazy high expectations on ourselves for the year, but so many of these changes take time, like real time. As my heart allows me, Im going to let go of the things that no longer serve me, and welcome new things that do. And if it takes me all year, or 5 years, so be it. I will follow my course without pressuring myself. The world has a great way of making things happen when they are suppose to :)
This is how I spent most of my day today. As soon as James got home, my cramps kicked in full gear and I was bed bound for hours. It was so bad this time it actually made me throw up, which hasnt happened in years. Sometimes it makes me wonder how Ill ever have a baby naturally if I can barely stand my periods. Sorry if thats TMI.
Happy New Year to everyone I have met along this journey so far! Lets continue to embrace each other in this community into the new year.
PEACE,
Laura
oh sweetie. i'm so sorry you're bedbound and in pain. sometimes our body responds like this when we are digging deep emotionally and spiritually and processing lots of painful things. have you seen that saying, "our body screams what our soul cannot"? or something similar. although your physical symptoms are natural, sometimes deep internal pain can jump on that channel and come along for the ride. be super sweet to yourself, k? i love you and am so proud of you, all you've done and become and survived. i wish you all the best for 2012.
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ReplyDeleteHappy New Year beautiful lady, i really hope for you the best, especially that your heart can heal, and one day you give us the wonderful news that you are expecting a little james or a little laura. I'm sure your parents are watching you from heaven right now, and they are so proud of you.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this post. I love your honesty. I hope the new year brings you much joy, health, and success. Hope you feel better!
ReplyDeleteYou're such a wise soul, Laura. Your insight and depth is so refreshing.... I feel like I come away knowing more about life when I read your thoughts... thank you for sharing your experiences. I share your fear of the world, but maybe it's because I fear losing my girls, or them losing me, because I see it happen and life doesn't promise tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteI'm thankful for our friendship, and look forward to a new year, love you my dear friend.
Hi Laura,
ReplyDeleteHappiest of new year's to you. I loved reading this post. It reminded me so much of how I have been thinking and feeling lately.
My cramps get really bad too btw. Really bad! One thing I try (I know it sounds crazy) is rubbing IcyHot on your abdomen. Not too much, but just a tiny bit. The hot/coolness of it really helps. (I also use it for headaches).
I just read an article about sunshine triggering something in us to be happy (serotonin?) which is why on cloudy days we sometime fall into that funk. So I think your going outside and feeling better is awesome! I also think it's more than just the chemicals--there's something about being outside that's relaxing, calming, freeing--you name it. I wish that for you always!
ReplyDeleteI also remember seeing a picture on an old post (one of those "you might like" posts at the end of some recent post)--the picture was of you sitting on the steps of your back porch looking out into the yard and I remember thinking "I can just totally picture a little kid out there running around, and that's where Laura will be sitting to watch him/her." I wish this for you too!
I also wish you more healing over your parents', and especially your father's, deaths. I believe time will help.
And in general I wish you and James a wonderful year with much happiness! : ]
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ReplyDeleteHappy new year and feel better! Not TMI, we're all humans. I bought two natural hot/cold packs but haven't tried them yet. I'd be happy to lend you one, I think it might help. Let me know if you'd like me to mail it to you. I couldn't find the website of the company I bought from, but I found these, they seem to be similar:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.theherbalnook.com/herbal-packs.html
You could probably also find something like that on Etsy or make your own. Or make your own and sell them on Etsy :)
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3
My thoughts and prayers are with you. May all good, positive things that you wish for happen this year. Many blessings Laura, you are a strong beautiful soul and you have lots of support on here, as I'm sure you do in your personal life as well. Much love.
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautiful post Laura. I can't wait to read your pregnancy/baby related posts! Before I had my son I use to get awful painful periods. But since having him, they are fine. I hope it's the same for you xox
ReplyDeleteHappy new year to you lady.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about having massive highs and lows in 2011. I'm excited about 2012 but history tells me that maybe I shouldn't expect too much!
Just catching up a bit on your blog and wanted to share how sorry I am for the loss of your dad. Brett and I are also in that place of preparing for the possibility of having another baby sometime this year but I think it's such a special feeling when you're venturing into wanting a child for the first time. Such a precious time.
ReplyDeleteLastly, I have always had mild cycles and cramps so natural labor was a bit of a shock to my pain level so I think if anything these hard cramps have your body a little more prepared for what it might be like. Not that you can ever be ready for something you've never felt but maybe it's an absolute positive.
Your hope and courage has encouraged me tonight. Thank you!