12.12.2010

The REAL behind the scenes

Its hard to believe that Christmas is right around the corner.  I am no where near prepared this year.  It snuck up on me.  We got our christmas tree up and decorated last week.  And I hung my paper garland I made last year and the yarn garland Jamie sent me last year.  I love them.


The past few days Ive been in a blank funk.  Like I just want to sit and stare.  Nothing is quite wrong, but I cant seem to find any motivation.  Im having to force myself to complete the tasks I have to in order to keep the business running daily.  Maybe I miss my mother more than I think.  Last night I was reading a journal that she wrote in...  for the most part it made me happy inside.  I remembered alot of what she wrote about and I was able to feel her every move during those days, her thoughts and emotions behind the things happening.  Those parts of a person you dont usually know because they keep it in their head.  Ha, there was even a part where she was talking about a party we were at, and how me and my friend were drinking beer and smoking cigarettes, and she couldnt wait until I got past that 'faze'...  It got me thinking, even though she definitely watched me grow out of that faze and far beyond, I wish she could see this faze, right now.  I wish I could sit down with her and show her every little thing Ive made in the past 3 years.  Give her a Violet Bella fashion show, she would love it.  She used to let me try on every outfit I ever bought when we got home, and she would happily appease me!  Mostly I wish she could see who I am right now as a person.  I feel like Ive grown and changed so much in the past 3 years since she has been gone.  And each year I feel like I get closer and closer to wanting to start a family, but it still tears me apart to know she wont be here for it.  Maybe it is just the time of year.  But I cant even seem to keep my thoughts straight long enough to begin thinking about gifts... and its less then 2 weeks away!  Im not sure what to do.

I do know Ive got to pull myself out of this, and soon!  

What do you do when you are in a funk and need out???

PEACE,
Laura

6 comments:

  1. I get like that alot too. I usually go to the book store, get a coffee, and browse thru books for hours. I always end up finding inspiration and wanting to go home and make stuff! Hope you get out of your funk!

    ReplyDelete
  2. everyone has days like these, i get like this.
    im sure you will be back on the path soon.

    Zoe x

    ReplyDelete
  3. Personally I like to indulge myself in a nice hot chocolate... or I just take a brisk walk :) but most of all... I love to fully indulge myself into painting, its the only way I could feel a sense of calm.

    ReplyDelete
  4. when i'm in a funk i make myself get up and dance. just freak out, completely.
    i think the question is, "how could you NOT miss your mom?" it's that time of year....
    trust me, i know about missing people. <3 you have my support.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Your a sweet and talented woman, your mom is watching over you and she is your biggest fan. :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Doing something random, special and unexpected for either a loved one or a stranger is the best way I know of moving away from a "funk". Don't diminish or discount your feelings of sadness and loss, either. You are a month away from the anniversary of your mom's death so of course you are feeling down.

    ReplyDelete

Thank you so much for your sweet comments!