Its hard to believe that Christmas is right around the corner. I am no where near prepared this year. It snuck up on me. We got our christmas tree up and decorated last week. And I hung my paper garland I made last year and the yarn garland Jamie sent me last year. I love them.
The past few days Ive been in a blank funk. Like I just want to sit and stare. Nothing is quite wrong, but I cant seem to find any motivation. Im having to force myself to complete the tasks I have to in order to keep the business running daily. Maybe I miss my mother more than I think. Last night I was reading a journal that she wrote in... for the most part it made me happy inside. I remembered alot of what she wrote about and I was able to feel her every move during those days, her thoughts and emotions behind the things happening. Those parts of a person you dont usually know because they keep it in their head. Ha, there was even a part where she was talking about a party we were at, and how me and my friend were drinking beer and smoking cigarettes, and she couldnt wait until I got past that 'faze'... It got me thinking, even though she definitely watched me grow out of that faze and far beyond, I wish she could see this faze, right now. I wish I could sit down with her and show her every little thing Ive made in the past 3 years. Give her a Violet Bella fashion show, she would love it. She used to let me try on every outfit I ever bought when we got home, and she would happily appease me! Mostly I wish she could see who I am right now as a person. I feel like Ive grown and changed so much in the past 3 years since she has been gone. And each year I feel like I get closer and closer to wanting to start a family, but it still tears me apart to know she wont be here for it. Maybe it is just the time of year. But I cant even seem to keep my thoughts straight long enough to begin thinking about gifts... and its less then 2 weeks away! Im not sure what to do.
I do know Ive got to pull myself out of this, and soon!
What do you do when you are in a funk and need out???