7.19.2011

This is probably the hardest post ive ever writen.  I have been avoiding getting online this week, but I know I cannot run from it forever.  And if I have ever been anything here online, its been real.  This is life...  I lost my daddy to sadness this week.  I have so many emotions right now that Im sort of blank and numb.  I feel sad, angry, lost, hurt, confused.  A part of me wishes I would have done more, although I know I cannot go there.  My daddy was one of the most quirky one of a kind people I knew.  There is not another one like him.  All he truly wanted to was to love someone and do things for someone and feel truly accepted for who he was.  Since my mom has been gone, he just couldnt fill that hole I think.  Im not really sure, Im left with so many questions.  The only comfort I can find right now is knowing that if he truly was hurting so badly, he is no longer suffering. 

I may not be very active online for a while.  Or I may.  I may find that working is one way I can keep my mind off of it.  I guess I will just be taking it one day at a time.  So if you see me all of a sudden posting, its the only way I know to keep going and not just let myself wonder around this house.  I dont want anyone to worry about me.  After making it through losing my mom 3 years ago, I feel like I just know I can do this too.  It hurts so badly, but I know I have been blessed with so many people surrounding me with love.  I have such amazing family and friends and they are all taking such good care of me.  Please just pray for peace.  For everyone who loved him and for his soul.

I have alot of people to respond to, and know that I will as I can.

56 comments:

  1. i don't know you at all, and i just started reading your blog, but my heart goes out to you, i cannot imagine such pain. i'm so sorry.

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  2. I am sooo sorry afor your loss Laura! I am thinking of you! Lots of hugs and kisses! xox

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  3. I am so sorry for your loss Laura. You and your family are in my prayers.

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  4. My friend...you are in my heart. I can't imagine all you're going through but I just want to wrap you up tight! Please let yourself rest...be nurtured...work...be gentle to yourself...whatever it is you need. Much love and prayers...

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  5. Oh, love. You & your family are most definitely in my prayers. You probably know this, but you have such a community of family & love in the blog & craft world... you are most definitely not alone in this painful time. If you need anything, all you have to do is ask. <3
    I'll be thinking of you! xo Haley

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  6. I'm so sorry for your loss Laura.

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  7. I am so so so sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family...and take care of yourself.

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  8. Sending kind thoughts your way. Make sure that you do all that you need to do to take care of yourself in every possible way as you deal with the initial blow of this.

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  9. My deepest sympathies Laura.
    Take care of yourself.

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  10. I don't comment here a lot but your post just brought tears in my eyes. I'm so sorry! I can't even imagine what it's like losing both your parents in such a short period of time. You have every right to be sad, angry, lost, hurt and confused. All I can wish to you is to be strong and always keep the good memories close to your heart. I'm sure both of them were (and still are) very proud of you and that you have many people that love you and will support you through everything. Take care... :-)

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  11. ohhh sweetie. i am so sorry. i can't imagine the pain you feel. i'll be sending you love & comfort to get through yet another sad time. hugs my darling!

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  12. Laura,
    I don't know you but my heart is aching for you right now. I lost my father in Dec. to a terminal illness. I know this is a different situation but it's still a loss of someone we loved. My friend recomended I listen to the song Hallelujah by Gin Wigmore. I like to listen to Pearl Jam's Just Breathe also. These songs gave me some peace. I hope you can find comfort at this sad time.

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  13. My dearest childhood friend, you are such an amazing person, with such a beautiful understanding of life. Even during this most difficult time of hurt and pain, you write words that inspire the world. You are the ultimate unselfish person from whom we can all learn from. Your thoughts and words are so pure and full of love for others. You never cease to amaze me, and as I sit hear crying for you, I know that through this you will triumph. Please allow your self to heal, and know that your family and friends will love you through this. We are all here for you in a million ways. When you feel alone and broken, lean on us. I love you with all my heart.... in your tiny room under the stairs, to painting your "big" room with squirt guns, to a hundred days of non-stop jumping on the trampoline, exploring the wilderness on bikes, sitting in the garage jewelry shop, the list goes on and on.... keep the wonderful memories in your heart, we will never forget!

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  14. Awww Laura I'm so very sad for you. I know there aren't any words that can make you feel better. Just know that I am sending you love and comfort vibes. As hard as it is please take good care of yourself. It'll keep you strong.

    Love and many hugs

    Krista

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  15. Oh lady, I am so, so sorry for your loss. You and your loved ones have my deepest sympathies in this time of need. <3

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  16. my thoughts are also with you and i am so very sorry for your loss. take care of yourself.
    with love
    sian

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  17. laura, sending so much love to you. I am so sorry to read this news. you are an amazing woman and I know that you will find comfort.

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  18. I'm so sorry Laura...Sending prayers your way.

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  19. Laura...
    I am sending so much love and prayers your way!! I am sooo sorry for your loss. You have every right to feel the way you do, so take time to process all of those feelings! If you need anything at all, please don't hesitate to ask. I am here for you!! XOXO
    amber

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  20. ohhh laura. I am so sorry! that is definitely rough. you are in all of our hearts. and you'll be in my prayers. may God grant you peace and comfort in this painful time. <3

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  21. Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. I never know what to say in these situations, but you have my deepest sympathies. I'll be thinking of you. Much love.

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  22. I'm so sorry Laura! I just started reading your blog maybe a month ago... and LOVE it and love following your life... wondered why you haven't been posting much and missed you on here. Will be praying for you in the coming weeks, that God will give you peace & rest & strength & time... bless you friend & fellow blogger!

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  23. I'm sorry Laura, I am absolutely heartbroken for you. I never know what is the right thing to say in this kind of situation.

    If I had met you before, I would have given you the biggest hug. I love you Laura, I hope you can get some kinda strength from this like you did with your mum.

    xxx

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  24. I am so sorry for your loss... you and your family are in my prayers...

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  25. Oh Laura, I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling. Please take care. Lots of love to you xo

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  26. Laura I am a new member to your blog and I know I do not know you but from reading your blog I can tell you are a wonderful strong and honest girl and you are very brave to put your heart out there for all to see like this. My heart aches for you and I hope you can get through this anyway you know how, be strong and take care of yourself. Belinda xxx

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  27. Laura,

    May the tides be in your favor as you search for and (eventually) find peace and wellness in nature and your family. You are in my thoughts and prayers for a long, long time.

    Sending you a truckload of Maryland love,
    Liz

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  28. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I am so sorry to read this news. Surround yourself with loved ones and good memories of your daddy. Much Love and Aloha. xoxo

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  29. Oh Laura I am so sorry. My thoughts and good energy will be with you. I hope that you can find peace in whatever way you can.

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  30. thoughts & prayers are with you. so sorry for your loss.

    take care.

    -erin

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  31. I am so sorry for your loss.
    My thoughts are with you and your family at this time.

    Take care of yourself

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  32. I am so very sorry for your loss xxx

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  33. laura,I am so sorry for your loss I hope your family has only sweet memories of him,prayers to yo and your family.
    katy

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  34. Laura,

    I am so sorry and sadness fills my heart at this news. I know I don't often comment, even though I always do read.

    I send my good thoughts and prayers your way that you will be able to make it through each day and find comfort in those you have right now.

    I am so so sorry Laura, truly.

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  35. My sweet, wonderful friend...

    My heart is absolutely breaking for you. I wish I could give you a hug right now. I am deeply sorry that you lost your precious dad, and I pray that he's no longer in suffering or in pain. You are in my heart, thoughts, and prayers - and if there is ANYTHING I can do, even so far away - please let me know. I'm here for you. You are strong, and you are surrounded by so many people who care about you and are here to lift you up while you're hurting.

    I love you and I am on my knees for you. <3

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  36. Sweetie, so sorry to hear this. I just said a prayer for you

    It sounds like you have many friends and family who love you. I hope you reach out to them when you need them.

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  37. i am so sorry and bummed to hear this news, but my heart goes out to you. I can't even fathom what you're feeling, but I will be praying for you and your family.

    Charlotte

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  38. laura, i am so, SO sorry. <3

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  39. Laura, I am a recent and fairly new to your blog, but my thoughts are with you. I can sadly understand what you may be going through and I am sorry. I know he's with your mom now and the two of them are happy together watching over you. I know this may not be the time, but if your intrested I have two book I can recommend that I read after, both of these helped me and when I am down I read a few page. Take care and be well.

    Kim

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  40. oh, my dear. I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I know the pain of losing a father...it's truly heartbreak. My daddy died almost 4 years ago and I still think about him every single day. Dad's occupy an absolutely irreplaceable spot in our hearts and lives. I'm praying for you. Don't stop loving him.
    xo,
    naomi

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  41. I'm so sorry for your loss, laura.


    you're in my thoughts...

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  42. I feel so much for you right now. I hope that you know there are people around who care deeply about you and will help you get through this.

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  43. I am so deeply sorry for your loss Laura...I have been checking your blog daily and I sensed something was not right, I know you are a strong person. Pls take your time as grieving is also part of the process...I wish I knew what to say, and I wish I could take away your pain...pls be strong and take it day by day...
    My heart goes out to you and your family...I will pray for you...
    xoxo
    Tati

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  44. Sweet Laura, please know that I am praying peace that passes all understanding for you. I don't know if you believe in the Bible, but one of my favorite passages says that God "hears the groans of our spirits." I am praying that you are absolutely encompassed by a comfort that knows no bounds, a resilience that allows for future joy, and a fortitude to withstand all the waves. I will stand with you in spirit...truly. May God bless you and bring rest to your sweet heart.
    Aleisha

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  45. I'm so sorry for your loss! I'm thinking of you <3

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  46. i came to your blog today for the first time. and i read your post with a heavy heart. you will survive this but it's more sadness than someone should be expected to endure. you will be in my thoughts as you find your way to navigate this pain. xoxo

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  47. bless your heart. im so very sorry.
    thoughts and prayers with you.

    <3

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  48. Laura, I don't know that anything I can say can help the pain you're feeling right now, but let me tell you that I know you're hurting. Stay as strong as I can clearly see that you are. Both your mom and dad surely knew they were some of the luckiest parents ever to have you as a daughter.

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  49. I'm a fairly new reader to your blog and I just had to say how sorry I am to hear about your loss :(

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  50. Oh Laura, I am so sorry. I am a new reader and I feel like I was meant to come here tonight to see this post.

    On June 13th, 2010, I lost my best friend to sadness. He was also my ex-husband. We were together for 11 years. And then best friends in the 4 that followed. We talked everyday. I've never been closer to anyone in my life.

    I talked to him right before it happened. He was hurting. I tried to stop him. But his sadness was a terminal illness, and I eventually felt that he deserved to be free from that pain.

    Jeff didn't have much family. I was the one who went to his house, cleaned it, went through his things, and hosted his memorial. It changed my life forever, but not in a bad way. I started my blog because of this loss.

    I didn't mean to turn this into my story. I just remember feeling like no one understood. Please know that I understand. And if you need to talk to someone who has recently been through something similar, please email me at melissa {AT) mountainsofthemoon {DOT} com. I mean it.

    With great love,
    Melissa

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  51. I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you, dear Laura.

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  52. Laura, sweetie, there really aren't words to clearly describe a loss like this. We send loving prayers to you and your family. Michael lost a sister this same way and we had to take comfort in knowing she was finally free of her suffering, and we came to peace with honoring her choice, as only she knew what she needed. We love you and will look forward to a visit when we return south.

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  53. Darling Laura. I just looked at your blog and read this post. I am so sorry love. I do know what you are going through, give yourself time. I am praying for peace for you and for comfort. You are so awesome and take comfort in knowing that there are people all over the globe that are thinking and wishing you well! My love, Tra x

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Thank you so much for your sweet comments!