The rollercoaster of emotions this week has been intense. But in the midst of it all, Ive tried to keep capturing some good moments. James aunt is a part of a quilting group who made me this beautiful prayer quilt. It was so very sweet and Ive been cuddling with it while I sleep every night.
I got to see Isabel do her horse therapy. She loves her horse Daisy, its so precious. And Xavier got to ride for a bit too. I cant tell you how much I love these kids (my besties kids)... and the image of the coca cola chair was a complete accident, and I love how it came out!
Shelley also had a bbq this weekend. Her twin was down from Cali and they had their 10 year high school reunion. So it was our first real outing this week. I even wore a dress. It felt nice to pamper myself a bit. And I got to hold a baby for about 20 minutes which was healing.
And my dad has been throwing rainbows all over my house. One of the gifts he gave me several years ago was a big beaded crystal that I hang in my window and when the sun hits it, it throws rainbows all over my whole house. I see how fitting it is now b/c my dad loved bright colors like this. He was an old hippy who was very much into tie dye colors and psychadelic images, so rainbows are very fitting I think.
And I was passing through my hallway today and looked at a painting I did a long time ago and I understood it all over again. It says 'the day her world stopped still, she had no words left to dream'. It is one of my favorite collages Ive made.
Im praying to feel normal again. Although I have a feeling its going to be a while before that happens. I have waves of sadness, anger, peacefulness, blankness, awkwardness and normalness in constant rotation. I wish I could press a fast forward button, but I suppose that wouldnt be healthy. I have to face it all, as it comes my way. There is no running away. And I will get through this. One day at a time.
'God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to now the difference.'