1.01.2013

ENVISION // RELEASE // DREAM

News Years Eve was nothing short of Magic this year.  I pulled my advent window word in the morning and it was Envision.  After having spent doing almost nothing for two days but envisioning, it felt soooooo confirming.  For the past few days I have been having wild visions of living at my parents house, and bringing it back to life and full of love.  For so long now I have felt it would be too hard to live there b/c of both of them dying there.  But as time has gone on, I have been feeling more and more led to finding deep healing out there.  I picture bringing people together out there.  Reuniting my parents friends and family each year for easter like my parents used to do.  Having woman gatherings, full moon gatherings, yoga gatherings, art gatherings, herbal gatherings... so many things.  Like a place for healing.  All of these visions feel so real and so needed, yet so unattainable with so many odds stacked against us.  So what I have decided to do is to just put my 'envisions' out there, and allow the universe to open the doors if this is where I am led to be.  I am putting my trust in the holding of the great spirit, to know my higher purpose, and whether or not this is the grounding it needs to thrive.
After lots of envisioning, I decided to pull a spread on the meditation of the very idea of moving out there.  These are the cards I drew.  The Past: Pierced Shield (the tower) The Present: Seed (the fool) Future: Vision (the hanged man)  Reading through these (all major arcana) there was so much in depth information.  I will be going back to read again and again.
Then for our New Year's celebration, James requested that we do a releasing ceremony like we did last year.  He really enjoyed it and I thought it was so sweet that he initiated it. 

We both spent some time writing down all the things we wanted to let go from this past year and then we released them into the fire.  We took turns reading them out loud and putting our intentions out there.  It always feels so good sharing like this, b/c its things we might not talk about otherwise.  It was beautiful to share this with James.

I had the sudden urge to release some of my dad's ashes into the fire.  I have yet to let go of any of them b/c I have just not been ready.  I felt like I could finally do it without losing it.  James helped me open up the box, and I mixed a handful of his ashes with some lavender buds, two rose petals and two pieces of white sage.  One for him and one for my mom.  I spoke some words on releasing his spirit, releasing him and myself from the sadness and anger of his decision, let him know how much I loved him, and wanted him to be free.  Then we released the ashes into the fire and just watched for a little while.  It felt so good, and no tears were shed.  Although it would of been okay if they were, it made me happy that I was able to do this with such a clear mind.  (this is my first new years I did not drink any alcohol and it felt pretty good!)

We also made a page of things we wanted to cultivate for the new year.  I thought James baby one was super cute and had to photograph the memory.  I decided not to burn mine so I could look back on it through the year.

Now, if you are still here, I have the most incredible experience to share.  After this wonderful releasing of my dad's ashes, he visited me in my dreams.  It was the most intense real dream I think Ive ever had.  I remember dreaming I was laying in bed.  It felt more like I was awake and actually experiencing it, but I know it was a dream.  I saw my dad's face right in front of mine, real close.  His hair was long like when he would grow it out.  He placed his hands on my cheeks.  He told me he was sorry for leaving, he told me he loved me.  I told him to.  I don't remember all that was said, but I remember feeling like he was genuinely sorry and full of love, and I too for him.  I let him know he could go be with mom now.  Then he jumped onto the image of a vinyl I was holding.  It was a dark vinyl with lots of tiny white stars all over it.  It reminded me of my favorite Donovan album Cosmic Wheels that I have kept as art in my home since I was a teenager.  (I stole it from my parents).  When he landed on the vinyl, he was a while sillouette of a person.  I saw him leap and join another white sillouette and they ran across the page together where they joined a few more white sillouettes.  I just remember feeling like it was him joining my mom and meeting up with their other friends who have passed on. I saw them turn into a bright light that beamed across the page and then they all turned into stars.  The stars began to move and swirl.  Then they all spiraled into the mouth of a fetus.  It looked like a sonogram image where you just see the sillouette of the baby.  The stars entered the belly of the baby.  Then I woke up.  I remember feeling such a deep connection running through humanity and all of the earth and stars and beyond.  Like we are all cosmic starseeds, all a part of each other.  And also the feeling that when we have our baby, my parents will be starseeds within them.  This was truly an incredible experience.  I woke up this morning feeling like everything is going to be okay.

post signature
 
Share

31 comments:

  1. what an amazing night and an even more amazing experience. love it. xo
    janel

    ReplyDelete
  2. what an AMAZING visit!!!! and just the right time! o how awesome and sweet!!! thank you for sharing your evening and dream. your road to peace is coming <3

    ReplyDelete
  3. Incredible! What a beautiful post you just shared! What a beautiful thing it all is! My husband has been talking to be about a book he read called The Cosmic Trigger.... Reminds me of something I can relate to lately. Like everything is aligning and comforting you in all the right areas. Feeling less lost and like I can take on emotions I couldn't face before. Last week I opened my mom's ashes for the first time and shared an experience with my nieces and sister. I wasn't sure I was ready, but I decided I wanted to be there for my nieces and that something was needed. Some ritual to honor her. My nieces, sister and I filled some jewelry with ashes and while doing it my sister had an adele concert playing. After finishing my necklace and beginning to help my niece with hers, Adele starts to tell a story. She said that the next cover song was dedicated to someone who was no longer with us and that she performs it in her honor at every show. No way!? She was not about to perform my song! She went on to start singing one of only two songs I have that were always dedicated to my mom. My mom was aware of this and even after her passing when I had no words I would play these songs often. It was the perfect time to hear the story connected to why Adele performs the song! It was amazing to feel her presence and helped me realize how important it is for me to focus on releasing more of the grief I carry!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. this is so touching!!! isnt it amazing how powerful music can be, even after life. i think i have seen adele perform a song where she said that. what song was it? so so touching! im glad to hear you are finding glimpses of healing. and im so glad to hear you shared some moments with your moms ashes with your nieces. very special and loving.

      Delete
  4. Oh honey, there are no real words for this incredible experience and how deeply your mom and dad remain alive in, around and through you. I love you all so very much and know we will continue to share it always. Our hearts are the first and richest healing place and through them we find the places to help others. So many blessings bring my heart to yours and back again.

    ReplyDelete
  5. My dear beautiful Laura...my original response to this vision, beside weeping, has somehow gone into that special cyberspace. The core of it is how deeply your mom and dad have always lived in and through you so incredibly beautifully. Our hearts are the deepest and richest places of healing and they lead us to the physical places that keep our bodies as healthy as we can. Your parents have followed their hearts and will always do so with you. I cherish the journey we continue to share in whatever form and place we find it. with all my dearest love...kim

    ReplyDelete
  6. beautiful Laura, hope this year brings healing and love for you girl, a huge hug for you :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Wow! How beautiful, thanks for sharing such a special experience with your readers.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Such a beautiful experience. Wow. Very intense.
    And your ceremony for the new year was beautiful. I think that is a brilliant idea.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Wow! That is magical! I'm so happy you headed into the New Year with such a clear mind and full heart :) I love the idea of a releasing ceremony, I think I might try that.
    Love & Light,
    MacK

    ReplyDelete
  10. thank you for sharing this--it's beyond beautiful. i am so glad that you got to be visited by your father, and even happier to hear a general peacefulness from you. :) my husband and i also did a releasing ceremony again this year, which i think we'll be doing every year. it's such a powerful way to turn a new page.

    ReplyDelete
  11. that's so amazing... i love this post. thanks for sharing!

    Valentina Duracinsky

    ReplyDelete
  12. What an amazing night you shared with us. Thank you!!!!! ♥This is pure beauty♥

    ReplyDelete
  13. Speechless. Thank you for your heart and post with us. I like the releasing ceremony and had experienced something like this. It is very powerful and healing. Happy New Year, Sweetie.

    ReplyDelete
  14. This is so fantastic to read. You have been struggling with a lot and I believe you are entering a season of peace. So happy for you. :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. HOLY SHIT, LAURA!!! This has got to be one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. Thank you. My heart has been warmed.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I have chill bumps all over. WOW. That is one of the most AMAZING things i have heard in a long time. I had a similar experience a couple of weeks before my sweet lil pumpkin was concieved...BLESSINGS. You will be the most wonderful, blessed, enchanted mother ever. <3 tiffanyc

    ReplyDelete
  17. Such a beautiful post, words are not enough xxxx
    http://rainingcakeandcookies.blogspot.co.uk/

    ReplyDelete
  18. I love this so much Laura. You are such a beautiful spirit.

    ReplyDelete
  19. What a beautiful story, Laura. Thank you for sharing this with us. <3

    ReplyDelete
  20. Wow Laura.. that is so beautiful & profound. Thank you for sharing it with us, it sounds as though you are truly on your path to healing.

    ReplyDelete
  21. so beautiful Laura!!!! thank you for sharing

    ReplyDelete
  22. You don't know how deeply it touched me. Everything, starting from the letting go ceremony (I want to let go of so many things right now) and continuing with the rekeasing of some of your fathers ashes.
    My father ashes was buried next to his father, but part of me always felt like it shouldn't be like this. And I'm actually crying right now. It's a beautiful thing - to experience what you experienced.

    ReplyDelete
  23. oh my goodness laura, what a beautiful dream, and releasing ceremony! i feel honored that you shared these parts of your personal journey. wishing you good things to come this year. :)

    ReplyDelete
  24. Amazing, Laura. From a perspective such as my own, it's truly special to have such vivid dreams occur. For some reason I rarely dream, and when I do, I forget all but a tiny piece. I've been hoping the new age will bring more dreams to me, something I know I've been sorely missing over the past several years.

    I'm so happy to hear that you had these visions, and that a peaceful resolve involving darker times has shown itself. <3

    ReplyDelete
  25. What a powerful way to start the new year! I have tears in my eyes right now-- the description of your dream was so clear and beautiful. Thank you for opening up and sharing your journey with all of us-- I hope you know how deeply you touch the lives of people who've never even met you! <3

    ReplyDelete
  26. What an amazing idea for a tradition. And what an amazing dream. I could completely envision the stars making a sonogram. Sounds wonderful.

    ReplyDelete

Thank you so much for your sweet comments!