4.22.2010

Looking Back




Time travels so fast. its such an odd thing really. something so untangible. it is amazing to look back upon ourselves over a period of years, and see where life has brought us. most of what we see is a result of what we have done, the choices we have made, the things we have done, and said. but some of lifes events are ones that are thrown at us from left field, and we have to just take, or not. which plays into our choices... year to year i see myself becoming a new person. different in so many ways. the way i think, the way i feel about so many things, and people, the things i spend time on, and the things i forget about. importances of life seem to fluxuate with the wind at times, but then some things in life seem to flow with the current and stay rooted within.

This year i have found myself to be the most grown up i think i have ever been. i feel more stable than ever, more consistantly happy, more self sustainable, than ever imagined. maybe it was finding my own wings after losing my mother. i went through a year of craziness and self centeredness that almost brought upon the loss of a marraige and did bring upon a loss of friends. and now, through the thick of it, i feel less naive, per say, about people, and their intentions... for the first time i felt true betrayal, and it has made me a stronger person. but it has also weakened my heart in the forgiveness department, which saddens me. i used to think i loved everyone in the world, a bit naive i guess. but i realize now, that some people you just simply cant trust, or just dont need in your life...

so now, all of that done and gone, i have grown through these experiences to be who i am today. maybe a bit less naive, a little less trusting, but a much more sincere human being. a more trust worthy person myself. i have seen who i never want to be again, and that has changed me all for the better. i thank god for my experiences in life, not losing my mother of course, i would give anything in the world to have her here with me, seriously. but the things i have learned from and since then. i could go on for hours. but those of you who actually 'know' me, already know.

and i cant wait to see where life takes me and how i change again next year. it is just amazing to me. there is always potential to grow and to learn, from each other, and from our own personal experiences. so if you happen to be going through a tough time, or some extreme deep trenches in your life, just remember that in the end it is your choice how you come out of it. no one elses but you.

choose to live your life with life. its the only one you have. give it your all, and make the best of it. be thankful you are here, and hug and love those around you.

Peace,
Laura

14 comments:

  1. Beautiful Laura. I am holding back tears. That was truly moving. In just the time I have interacted with you starting a year back when I bought my first necklace from you I have seen tremendous change. You just radiate love. It's crazy how sometimes the biggest hurt in our lives can also bring out the biggest love we've ever know or felt.

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  2. "choose to live your life with life." I love that.
    Beautiful post! xo

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  3. I loved this post so much. Thank you!
    Especially for the last sentance. It was just what I needed.

    ps you've been tagged
    http://talk2thetrees.blogspot.com/2010/04/game-of-tag.html

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  4. This is beautiful... it made me want to cry. You are an amazing person Laura.

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  5. Little Laura. I have seen a very grown up change in you since we lost your Mom. I know she is immensely proud of you. I also have seen change in you. We just have to pick and choose our battles. Seems we learn what is important after such a loss. I see your Mom radiate out of you. What an AWESOME compliment, huh? Her loss made me re-evaluate so much, and learn to decide what is important. I love you like CRAZY.

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  6. Laura,
    well said and so very honest and
    comforting to all who read your
    words. Keep exploring and creating, for it suits you well.
    smiles....kelly

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  7. Laura,Thank you so much for posting this.I lost my beautiful mum two years ago and have had some of the samethings happened to me..I am glad you posted this sometimes you feel like you are the only one out there that feels like this(I know that is sad to say because i dont want anyone to lose someone close to them)But you inspired me to move on and live my life..Thank you again.I wish I could put my word out there as beautifully as you did..

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  8. I can see how strong of a person you are, going through these experiences and coming out stronger and wiser. Even though we've never met, I can feel your spirit through your words. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us, I wish I could give you a big hug!

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  9. Over the past couple of years I have really learned who my true friends are. I have learned to let go of the things and people that just drag me down. It is crazy that sometimes your weakest moments bring out the real side of your closest friends. I am better for all the changes I have endured in the last two years. I am so thankful for them.
    I am so happy that I found you in blogland! I always find your posts so encouraging and inspiring.
    XOXO

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  10. i just want to say thank you to everyone who commented on this one, and always, you guys are my rock on here. thank you. your words are always equally encouraging to know im not the only with the same feelings sometimes, and im happy to have a little place to share.

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  11. The twenties are hard in so many ways and you have had the extra challenge of losing your mother thrown into the mix of growing away from childhood and into adulthood. Trust me, in a few years when you are thirty, you will wipe your brow and thank your lucky stars you made it through that decade!

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  12. You are so smart and especially to realize these very important things at you age. I know your mother is looking down and watching over you and very proud of her daughter. I'm 51 years old and we always live and learn and hopefully grow to be a much stronger mature and better person. What you feel and have written is so sweet.

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Thank you so much for your sweet comments!