Oh yesterday. Yesterday was an awful day emotionally. We had to go out to my dad's house to get rid of some lumber, and I walked around while I was out there and just had a major meltdown about letting the place go. We have already decided that we just cant live there and keep the place and it tears me apart inside. I cant put into words how special this home is. I know a house is a just a house, but I could not go to the ends of the earth to find one with this kind of meaning and soul to me. And once its gone, its gone. Forever. It just makes me sick. I thought I was mentally in a good place about letting it go, but the closer we get to having it cleaned out and ready to put on the market, the more Im realizing Im not okay with it. But I fear the only thing I can do is suck it up and move on. Bleck.
Needless to say, for the better half of the day I was an emotional wreck. We had plans for sunday evening to go spend with our friends in the hills and I almost said I didnt want to go. Its really odd, almost everytime we are making plans to go out there, Im having a hard time emotionally with something... And everytime we do end up going anyway, I show up on the verge of tears and I leave feeling full of smiles and love. They just have that affect on me. We ate yummy homeade pizza and hula hooped. First time Ive hooped in 3 weeks and it felt so good. I even got down shoulder hooping which has been tripping me up for so long now. I love it when something finally just clicks when you let your body go and dont think. I drank amaretto sours for the first time with my second momma, and she let me pour my heart out to her about everything. Ive said it a million times, but their family just wraps me up in love. They have been a godsend in my life for sure.
I put on my new bright lipstick, threw on some uber comfy clothes, sucked up my tears and had a great night with friends. Im so glad I did. I feel a bit more rejuvenated for this monday morning.
Oh, something funny, when we got home there was a big tree laying in our driveway! We had such crazy winds last night that it completely uprooted a tree. Good thing it didnt fall on the house! There was also one big on in our back yard and had completely split in two and was about to fall. This one would have landed right on our porch. So James tied it together with an extension cord, ha ha! It was all we had. It was scary but also hilarious at the same time. Im just so glad it didnt fall. When the rain clears and it dries up we are going to have to cut it down. Bye bye tree!
PEACE,
Laura
Love that close-up of you, gorgeous. I'm sorry you've had such an emotional weekend. Those moments are needed but they stink. I'm glad you had people to carry you through. Giving up a place with meaning is a grieving process and especially with all you've walked through this year. ((Hugs))
ReplyDeleteCatherine Denton
you take the bad with the good i suppose. <3
ReplyDeleteHmm I don't know about a house is just a house. I think it's more than that. There are so many memories tied to spaces, and especially houses, considering how long you've lived there. I still miss my old house a lot. I drive by it pretty often just to see how it's changed. It drives me a little crazy to think about it and the new people living there, so I just take it in and move on. I don't think anyone could blame you for feeling the way you do about it, and I understand completely. : ]
ReplyDeleteP.S.--Have you taken pictures of all the rooms and everything? I find it helps to have pictures to look at.
friends always help...always. it's easy to have a bad day and cancel plans because you don't feel like going out but i find that whenever this happens, going out always helps me feel better and makes me appreciate the people i spend that time with!
ReplyDeleteglad you went out and felt better :)
When I grow up, I'm pretty certain I want to be you. You take the bad with the good, and you're so incredibly strong. Reading about your struggles and how you're strong enough to grow through them has been helping me in my own life. Thank you for just being....you?
ReplyDeletelaura shane
tea-atnoon.blogspot.com
are you taking photos of the things that you want to remember about the house, or is it just too much? i'm sure i'd be an emotional wreck. i like your bright lipstick. it's nice to know you have friends that love & support you. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's so sad that you can't hang on to the house! You are lucky to have so many incredible people in your life to prop you up when you have every reason to fall in a heap on the floor. Good luck with everything!
ReplyDeleteYour photos are beautiful. Sometimes saddness can be so pretty. I'm sorry to hear about your home, but just think that the home can be filled with a new family and lots of new memories. You should take some self portraits in the home before it sells. They would be beautiful in so many different ways.
ReplyDelete