11.20.2012

THREADS - VELVET & CROCHET

- outfit details -
hat + crochet vest // c/o chicwish
flowerchild tank // skyline fever
velvet bell bottoms // iconoclasp
bronze flats // blowfish shoes
braided crystal necklace // christi jay
quartz ring // moorea seal
chevron bracelet // f21

I can't stop wearing my velvet bell bottoms from Iconoclasp.  I could wear them everyday.  It's hard to believe Thanksgiving is just in a couple days.  I'm excited to see my family, and to roast some yummy root veggies... but I've also been a bit weary lately.  I definitely feel like my body is in a winter cocoon of sorts.  I've been in a state where I can cry at a wrong word used, or even a wrong look.  My emotional levy has broke, and it's opening me up to many different feelings.  I laid on the hammock for a few minutes the other day and a butterfly landed on my glasses, reminding me that this cocoon state I'm in is only preparing myself for something much more beautiful... but through this process, it hurts.  It is not easy transitioning.  Especially when its a kind of transition happening from within, one you cannot see, or put words to.  I take that back... I can put words to it.  Grief.  It's just that I thought by now it would be a little easier, but its only getting harder.  Part of that is my own doing, from not allowing myself to feel certain things that seemed unbareable to really feel.  I still don't want to feel them, but I know I must to truly heal through it.  A big gentle deep inhalation is needed on my part... followed with a long silent calming and grounding exhalation.  With my feet rooted in the earth, and my heart being guided from the spirits of my ancestors.  I need to allow myself to congratulate myself for the things I have accomplished, to celebrate them.  For so long now, I have not been doing this, and I think it has sucked some of the joy from the journey.  It's time to remind myself that I am worth that.  And that I am worth it to stop, regroup, realign the things in my life that need it.  To allow myself to let go of the things I no longer need in my heart, that I cling to.  And to know that it is okay to feel all of these feelings, even the depressing ones, so long as I do not remain dormant in them.  But, I must go through them, and not try to crabshell my way around them like I am so good at doing.  It is okay to cry.  It is okay to hurt.  It is okay to be angry.  It is okay. 

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13 comments:

  1. Beautiful! These transitions can be so emotional, but to embrace them and realize the beauty that they bring... It truly is magical. I too, am reminding myself I'm worth it. We need to give ourselves the time to express all the emotions we wish weren't present. Moving through them, gaining insight, and coming out a stronger, more beautiful you! Lately I have been haunted by all the bad memories of my mom. They creep into my head and crush me. Why? I think I do know why, but I'm not ready. These things take time. We can't mourn the loss of someone in one sitting. I, however, rarely give myself time to experience the grief. I think this is why it has been attacking me. I need to pay attention to it more and allow myself the time to grieve. Such a hard thing to admit! Man, I love your posts, but sometimes I'm not ready for them! Thank you, for helping me heal. Today, for helping me realize the importance of not ignoring the grief.

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    1. I wish it was easier than it really is. I'm so good at ignoring it to, until it wells up and I can't control it. Grieving my dad's suicide is sooo different than grieving my mom's loss to cancer. both losses, but so very different. losing my dad has brought back the emotions of missing my mom so much more b/c I wish she was here to talk to about it. and I had really just gotten to a point after 4 years of feeling pretty calm about missing her. But I know these are still things I must feel. It just plain fucking sucks! Sigh. Here with you girl. Much love.

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  2. I love the way you write so much. So honest, and geniune. As if your heart is bleeding and leaving a trail across your blog.

    It's refreshing.

    Oh, and, I want to steal your hat. Just sayin'.

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  3. I am so inspired by your honesty, it's so beautiful. I hope one day I can write like this on my blog.. Sometimes when I hit a rough spot I like to look in the mirror and just say "thank you for being so strong" It helps me to honor myself and my feelings (even if I don't want to feel them) I think you're doing a great job. And your inspiring people along the way. And seriously Laura, thank you for being so strong. Sometimes we just need to cut ourselves a break. <3 <3

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  4. Love your hat!

    xo Jennifer

    http://seekingstyleblog.wordpress.com

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  5. The bell bottoms are gorgeous!
    And I empathize, I feel very much the same recently. Grief has seeped into my bones

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  6. Love those pants a lot! I couldn't pull off the look, but they look great on you!

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  7. I've nominated you for the Leibster Award!

    http://lalalittlelovebird.blogspot.com/2012/11/the-liebster-award.

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  8. Beautiful words. I've been feeling fragile myself. You're so pretty and look great as a flower child. :)

    xo Ashley
    luckylittlebird.blogspot.com

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  9. It's part of the growing process. Embrace it, it will give you strength <3

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  10. Celebrating the little things is so important to me. I find I get so down and forget all of my blessings if I stop.

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  11. I love those pants! My friend has a similar purple pair and I've always loved them.

    <3 Melissa
    wildflwrchild.blogspot.com

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  12. laura, i agree that it's okay for you to feel how you feel. you have every right. that doesn't make it easy. just know & remember there's all this love out there embracing you.

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Thank you so much for your sweet comments!